JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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