dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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