just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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