PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
