Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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