thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
