i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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