Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
