Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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