I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He passed out mid-signature
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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