Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
