he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
