YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
