I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
His nipple licking is glorious
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
