OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
