There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He better not be in your backpack
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
