# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
