She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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