i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
