wakey wakey hands off snakey
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
