I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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