Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
