you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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