So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i out mim tonsoeep
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