i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
