the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize