She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
