Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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