i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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