She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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