Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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