Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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