chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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