the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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