the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
