did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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