Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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