That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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