This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
