I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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