Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
