she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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