Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Randomize
