I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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