I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
