Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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