I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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