Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
