And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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