Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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