So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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