I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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