'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
