I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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