I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
