why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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