Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
