so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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