I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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