Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
