I feel like abortions should bother me more
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
