Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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