Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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