Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
