Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
