the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
