Just fell off a train. Bad.
farters have to be the big spoon...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
