i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
