I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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