I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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