I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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